The Catacombs - 2017 The year of the first smoke signal
TOP 10 RULES FOR NEW UOW STUDENTS:
TOP 10 RULES FOR NEW UOW STUDENTS: Absolutely no talking on Level 1 of the Library; quiet sobbing permitted Be prepared for tutorial enrolments, set your watches to the exact second the tab opens. You don’t want to secure a 5:30 Friday night class because you were buttering a bread roll You should 100%, most […]
Universities…if they were university students
University of Sydney: With the amount of Prime Ministers this university has produced, and their 99.95 ATAR cut off for any degree other than a Bachelor of Creative Arts majoring in Interpretive Dance, they are undoubtedly the stereotypical law student. USYD is the kind of guy who struts to lectures wearing a blazer and law […]
An American Werewolf in Australia
Day 1: Australia has already betrayed me. What I expected to be a land of infinite sunshine and gold and rainbows has instead revealed itself to be Seattle; there are simply too many clouds in the sky, and I did not push a broken luggage cart through the windowless confines of Sydney Airport’s International Terminal […]
Catacombs of UOW
For those 1st year students who have heard the rumours, it is true, building 19 is the Pandora’s box of all buildings, where the geographically impaired and the naïve students who choose to ignore the wall map upon entry will face great anguish. There are a countless number of lost souls that have been tormented […]
Local Madman Superlikes Classmate on Tinder
Cal B. ¦ Writer ¦ Breaking News University of Wollongong student Daniel Sullivan has taken the plunge and superliked his classmate, after a drunken swipe session on popular dating app Tinder on Tuesday afternoon. The engineering student superliked one of the only girls in his course after 3 beers, a move he has come to regret. “I didn’t […]
An American Werewolf in Australia pt 2.
Sam B. ¦ Writer ¦ American Correspondent ¦ Bit of a whinger as well Day 7: I ordered a voltage converter from a local Australian company as soon as I got here, and it still has yet to arrive. I have drawn several conclusions from this: one, Australia’s capitalism is not catered to the instant gratification that an American […]
Liberal Arts Students Fight Over Best ‘Sticky Fingers’ Album
Riley J ¦ Writer ¦ Breaking News In what was described as ‘one of the saddest displays of human aggression of the 21st century’, local wankers Hunter Gooding and Patrick ‘Paddy’ McCorrmac were escorted from The Grand Hotel, after a fist fight broke out in the smoking area, on Wednesday night. The two men were overheard discussing the works […]
How to be a Wannabe Bodybuilder at University
Giuseppe P. + Daniel R.H. ¦ A Smoking Duck ‘How To’ Guide 7:30am – Wake up. The world is waiting. ‘Waiting for what?’ you ask. Waiting for you, silly. Everyone is waiting for you. It’s time to rise and grace everyone with your presence. 8am – Time to get dressed. No matter the weather, always […]
Student Shocked to Discover Unisex Toilets Not Actually Used for Sex
Jason B. ¦Writer ¦ Breaking News ” They really need to be more specific. I thought unisex stood for sex at uni” A student at the University of Wollongong has today discovered that unisex toilets are so named because they are for use by students of any gender, and not because they are intended to be used […]
Student Discovers ‘Sports Hub’ Not Just Used For Exams; Also Sports
Jason B. + Daniel R.H. ¦ Writers ¦ Breaking News On the cusp of her graduation from a Law degree, 4th year student, Sarah Wickman, has just become the first UOW student to discover that the Sports Hub is used as a sports facility, and not just as a location for exams. She made her recent discovery […]