The Catacombs - 2017 The year of the first smoke signal
Student wins University Medal for posting picture of crookedly parked car on UOW Buy & Sell
Jason B. ¦ Writer ¦ Breaking News A Wollongong University Student has today been awarded the prestigious University Medal for her work in posting photographs of a slightly crooked car on the ‘UOW Students Buy and Sell’ Facebook group. Sarah, a 3rd year medicine student, has received unanimous applause from her peers and academics for her achievement. “It’s […]
Exchange student attempts perfect week of Pepes, Amigos, Grand, Illa, and Harp; found dead
Declan Q. + Daniel R.H. ¦ Writers ¦ Breaking News Second Year American exchange student, James Harrington, was found dead, face down in a snack pack outside Fat Boys kebabs after a session at the Grand Hotel. He had previously found himself attempting to compete with the Australian students strict weekly schedule of Pepes, Amigos, Grand, […]
The Book According to (Poor) Marks: First Man to Skip a Lecture Canonised.
Marco Van Taco ¦ Writer On a warm spring day, many students at the Unibar were jovially drinking beers at lunchtime. Glasses clinking, cigarette smoke wafting, and general banter and laughter filling the surrounds. One group of five students in particular had an upcoming lecture to attend in 10 minutes. What followed would change the lives […]
Study finds that fake texting is the best way to avoid the ever-present stall outside library
Declan Q. + Daniel R.H. ¦ Writers ¦ Breaking News ‘I didn’t have time to play their games,’ said fourth year LLB student Sophie Swan to Smoking Duck reporters. Instead of engaging with the group who hand out flyers adjacent to the library, she simply strutted towards the library doors, phone in hand, eyes down, and […]
Tutor oblivious to debauchery of Yours and Owls festival over the weekend: ‘These mid-sessions are really taking it out of them.’
Declan Q. ¦ Writer ¦ Breaking News ‘I feel so sorry for these students. Eyes bloodshot, clearly running on no sleep, I’ve over heard some of them saying they feel “absolutely scattered.” Obviously they have spent all weekend working on the major essay due tomorrow.’ says the tutor, blissfully unaware of her student’s rowdy weekend. The […]
Entirety of UOW stunned by Country Girls belief that Wollongong is the ‘Big Smoke’
Josh L. ¦ Writer ¦ Breaking News With week 11 approaching on the University Calendar, a snide remark from northern beaches boy Jock Greenaway has today led to open debate in The Yard precinct of UOW. The comment was reportedly levelled toward the Instagram bio of first year Trangie student Tom Boyle’s absent girlfriend Tess Gilford, which […]
Smoking Duck writer thought telling girls he writes for Smoking Duck would get him laid
Marco Van Taco ¦ Writer “I thought they’d be swooning” Marc says in confidence at a recent Smoking Duck writers meeting. “I’ve been writing these satirical articles all year and I haven’t got laid yet. I go to the parties and tell all the girls, even at Yours and Owls….nothing….I got nothing. Don’t girls love creative […]
Price increases on Gong Shuttle an attempt to stop barefoot students from coming to Uni
Daniel R.H. ¦ Writer ¦ Breaking News The recent Transport NSW suggestions to apply standard OPAL fares to passengers using Buses on Route 55A, 55B and 55C (better known as the ‘Shuttle Bus’ Route) has been met with large outrage by the online community. A petition to keep the shuttle free was created by disgruntled students late […]