TOP 10 RULES FOR NEW UOW STUDENTS:

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TOP 10 RULES FOR NEW UOW STUDENTS:

  1. Absolutely no talking on Level 1 of the Library; quiet sobbing permitted
  2. Be prepared for tutorial enrolments, set your watches to the exact second the tab opens. You don’t want to secure a 5:30 Friday night class because you were buttering a bread roll
  3. You should 100%, most definitely, absolutely go to your lectures, despite most of them being non-compulsory, attendance not being recorded, and them having no impact on your final grade whatsoever*
  4. UOW is a no smoking campus. If you wish to fistfight cancer, make sure you do it at the Uni Bar
  5. Don’t raise your hand if you need to leave the classroom. Your tutor doesn’t care if you’re leaving to go to the bathroom or to jump off a bridge
  6. Don’t say you do Law, Creative Arts or Engineering if you want to make friends
  7. Every Thursday night, students must complete the pilgrimage from their dorms to the Mecca known as Retro night at Hotel Illawarra
  8. Don’t call your tutor ‘Mr. …’ or ‘Mrs. …’, unless it is in bed
  9. There is to be absolutely no violence on campus, exams are the only thing that is allowed to assault students
  10. Don’t make fun of your friends who decided to do a trade, they’re not the idiots spending $40,000 on a degree in a market with no job prospects
*The Smoking Duck takes no responsibility for any subjects you may fail