Universities…if they were university students
University of Sydney: With the amount of Prime Ministers this university has produced, and their 99.95 ATAR cut off for any degree other than a Bachelor of Creative Arts majoring in Interpretive Dance, they are undoubtedly the stereotypical law student. USYD is the kind of guy who struts to lectures wearing a blazer and law textbooks visibly in his hand for anyone passing by. His Daddy was a lawyer, his Granddaddy was an even bigger lawyer, and his great-Granddaddy owned slaves even after slavery was abolished. To attend this university you either have to be incredibly smart, incredibly rich or work incredible hard, and who wants a friend like that? How dare they make you feel inadequate about yourself on three different levels!
University of NSW: With a far more reasonable 98.95 ATAR cut off for their degrees, UNSW is naturally more relatable and approachable. She is a med student who works at the uni’s most popular café. She also interns at St. Vincent’s hospital, and you only know this because she never fails to mention it every time you order a coffee. What she does fail to mention is that Daddy is a head surgeon there. However, you let it slide because she invites you to her summer house parties while her parents are in Europe.
University of Technology Sydney: The guy no one wants to be stuck talking to at a party.
Charles Sturt University: Located across in-land NSW, he is your imported country student, likely from Wagga or Orange. Just like their university is scattered across the East of Australia, this guy is completely scattered at every party you attend. You will find yourself in a drunk conversation jumping between the topics of his HD English literature thesis to the time he accidentally shot his uncles ear off when they were out pigging.
Australian Catholic University: Despite never having met anyone from this university, and having absolutely no basis for the following assessment, they are the people handing out bibles in front of the library. You always accept them, not out of religious interest, but out of the fear of God’s almighty wrath.
UOW: We may not have the best academic reputation in Australia, but we do have the best looking campus with the best looking students, and this is why we are the hot, semi-insta-famous commerce student. She somehow averages a distinction despite every Monday being tagged in photos from parties the weekend before. She used to smoke, but recently quit. Starts off every semester with the post: ‘Would much rather be *insert recent holiday activity* in *insert recently visited city* than studying right now’. We may not be the best student, but we do have the best body, so who is the real winner?
