Marco Van Taco ¦ Writer ¦ A Smoking Duck Exclusive
So you thought attending UOW was meant to improve your opportunities in life? You thought UOW experience is supposed to enrich your mind for the future and allow you to maximise your studying experience? You have been fed a great deal of incomplete truths about what is really expected to happen in your UOW experience.
It doesn’t matter whether you came to UOW to study, you won’t get any done as there are countless ways to be distracted from that potential doctorate in Political Science or Materials Engineering. The one unofficial academic achievement that will not show up on your transcript is the Bachelor of Procrastination. Some of you will excel in this subject to honours, and even achieve the status of Doctor.
Socialising will be you major of a Bachelor of Procrastination and will have you attending regular events at the unibar from 10am among other professional procrastinators, and the numerous cafes for the scheduled group caffeine injection during study sessions. For those sport lovers, head down to the URAC gym, or get down to the outdoor basketball court near building 3 for some half court b-ball. If you don’t want to be at uni, get on the bus (which just happens to be free) and hit the beach.
Spending time in the fresh winter air, or the summer sun, you will find activities on all the green grass such as lunchtime music by the pond near the library, watching slackliners possibly fall off face first on the jugglers lawn, or getting mugged by the gang of ducks. Besides having the nice landscape of UOW to walk around, there is the Botanical Gardens right next door to assist in courting that girl/boy you met at the party last week. We know that chase is far more fun than chasing a HD for that final exam worth 55% of your grade.
The library will be a terrific place for beginners to learn how to procrastinate by either staring at the ceiling, staring at their computer screen, and staring at the incredibly attractive specimen sitting across from them. More advanced students will learn to go beyond those walls, and venture to the travel agent to delay those HECS repayment a little longer.
UOW is ranked in the top 1% of procrastinating universities in the world.
Dan asked me to write this article back in April, so as you can see, I am also a terrific procrastinator, and he also wants another 100 words but there is a conference with free pizza available so……