Jason B. ¦ Writer ¦ Breaking News
A Wollongong University Student has today been awarded the prestigious University Medal for her work in posting photographs of a slightly crooked car on the ‘UOW Students Buy and Sell’ Facebook group. Sarah, a 3rd year medicine student, has received unanimous applause from her peers and academics for her achievement.
“It’s absolutely inspiring to see this sort of reaction,” said Sarah, who spends her spare time volunteering at her local homeless centre 4 days a week. But she says helping the sick or the homeless does not compare to the feeling she gets when she sees those likes pop up on her Buy & Sell post.
“There’s no greater injustice facing modern society than goons double parking on campus. I had to search for another car park for a whole two minutes because of ‘CWH 60J’. Unbelievable. I only wish I had more free hours in the day so I could continue patrolling the car parks around P3 and P4.”
The Smoking Duck was able to reach Mark, one of the culprits, for comment on the matter. “I’m deeply remorseful for my actions, and am truly thankful to Sarah for helping to hold me accountable for my actions. Those 12 angry reactions on Facebook burn my soul far more than a $300 fine ever could.”
The Smoking Duck can confirm Sarah is talks with UOW CSE with setting up a society dedicated to tackling injustice across campus, in the aim of setting up a social media Gestapo. “I’m thinking of extending beyond bad parking. There are plenty of monsters that need to be stopped. Like those arses who reserve tables in a crowded library by leaving one textbook on it while they go out to eat.”
Due to the sheer prevalence and importance of the issue, Sarah is asking for anyone donating to remedy the Hurricane Harvey disaster to kindly divert all funds to her cause.