Rushing from one end of the campus to the other can be a pain when you have back-to-back classes, especially when you are stopped by student activists to sign a petition you know will probably have no impact on the lives of refugees on Manus and Nauru.
To avoid the awkward conundrum between being late for your tutorial and being told you don’t care about human rights for not signing a petition, we have a created a list of things you can do to be one step ahead of the UOW Socialists.
- Carry an effigy of John Howard at all times. As it turns out, the Socialists are not big fans
- Join the Capitalist society, an obscure, now largely defunct political group that advocates abolishing the minimum wage (not even a joke). Optional, if you really want to take it that far.
- Join the Liberal club, and the Socialists will avoid you! Or you just get called a cuck.
- Stay home. Like abstinence, studies have shown that removing yourself from human contact is the surest way to avoid unnecessary risks.
- Wear earphones. Not always effective, but sometimes people won’t bother hailing you if they think you’re plugged in.
- Sunnies on, hood up, head down. If you can’t see them, they can’t see you.
If all else fails, just be polite and say “Yes, comrade” a lot until they are satisfied.
May Satan smile on you