Vigil to be held for first-years missing in building 19 after week 1

As UOW veterans know, building 19 is a labyrinth monster-house designed to trap art majors.

The Maze has already claimed 5 first-years, a fifty-year low for an opening week. According to a confidential source from the University, this monster-house uses the students’ lifeforce to feed university board members.

A vigil will be held tonight outside the building’s main entrance hoping for the students’ safe return. However, until these hopeless souls learn to read the maps many will continue to wander these endless corridors for eternity.

Since opening in 1962, first-years have found it harder to navigate the building than to answer how their French literature degree will provide them with future job opportunities.

A spokesperson for UOW said the university was doing everything they could to lower the body count in building 19 this year.

“Students are advised to bring a piece of string or chalk into the building so they don’t lose their bearing. Dropping a bread trail may also help.”

“We must also enforce that these missing students are in no way being used to provide the Vice-Chancellor with immortality,” a UOW spokesperson said.

The numbers of MIA are expected to rise this week as all Law, Humanities and the Arts Department tutorials begin.