Arts students are often told they won’t make a return on the money they put towards their degrees, but a new subject added to the core looks to prove otherwise.
Subject Coordinator Bob Boil said that ‘DOLE101’ will give graduates essential career skills in “the Art of Dole Bludging.”
“Since graduates are paying to be unemployable, we thought we should give them something to look forward to. With an 11% youth unemployment rate, I also believe it is time we turned bludging into a recognised profession. One day, it will reach the Olympics,” Mr Boil said.
Details released to TSD reveal the first assessment requires students to successfully complete Centrelink applications. In the final assessment, students will also be tasked with flirting their way out of HECS debt over the phone with Centrelink customer service staff (with an instant HD for success with members of the same sex).
“This proves an Art’s education pays for itself. It teaches practical application skills that are essential for an Art graduate’s survival in the unemployment market,” Mr Boil said.
The coordinator stressed however, that the subject is about teaching critical life skills.
“It’s about preparing them for failure, for dreams that will never come true and that will haunt them to their deathbeds,” he said.
When questioned over the tutor’s qualifications for teaching the next generation of McDonald’s managers, Mr Boil introduced his latest recruit, Damo.
“I am a proud fifth generation Dapto bludger. My father dodged the Vietnam draft and still managed to receive benefits, and when Damo the Fourth died, I expanded the family operation throughout the Illawarra,” he said.
“Hot tip for the high school girls- if you get knocked up, it can go towards your ATAR. Did you miss the Newstart cut off? I’ll change that. I’ll get you Newstart AND the pension. I could convince the government to fund this subject!”
And the prerequisites?
“None. It’s about bringing the right attitude and a hard work ethic to make it in this field. My dad always said I could either sit on my ass and do nothing with my life, or I could make a man of myself and do it for money. Now, look where I am today.”
“I actually hope this subject breaks a few stereotypes,” Damo said.
The subject will be available to all degrees under the Arts, Humanities and Laws department. Students can enrol by catching Mr Boil on his seasonal round to the Crown Street Vinnies.
Je suis le Roi de Dapto.
Maintenant que vous avez lu ceci, vous allez apprendre que j’ai perdu votre temps.