UOW Student arrested for breathing too loudly in revamped library

UOW have invested heavily in creating a more focused library environment for students. However, with the new additions to the UOW library, comes a new crackdown on students who disturb the study peace. A new squad of library police have been employed to ensure that to the utmost degree, silence is maintained similar to that of a former opinionated North Korean military officer.

The “Shhhhh Squad” as named by talkative students, is not only present on the 1st floor, albeit have migrated to the lower and upper levels of the library.

“It creates a huge problem for me and my study buddies to practice our Model UN discussions (and politics group assignments)”, said Jenny a 3rd year politics major student.

“We feel oppressed, we can’t go outside, the air is too fresh and I heard there was a political group positioned at the library entrance. I’m not in the mindset to debate extra-passionately about Marxist theory and Socialist regimes today.”

The Smoking Duck reports that the new task force is being supplied a generous weaponry budget including badges, and a code of conduct form. However, discarded classified documents reveal a more sinister arsenal of batons, bear spray, and military grade tasers.

The Smoking Duck has revealed one student was even extradited for breathing too loudly in the quiet section. Shaky mobile phone footage exhibits the student being handcuffed and dragged out while still clasping his physics textbook.

Andrew, a determined Bsc. in Physics student explained that “I wasn’t doing anything wrong! They told me I was breathing too loud and that I need to be escorted to the talking section. When I protested, they put the cuffs on me and dragged me out while I tried to learn the difference between Amperian loop model and the B-field, and Magnetic pole model and the H-field, in Electromagnetism.

The Smoking Duck attempted to retrieve a comment from the “Shhhhh Squad”, however they politely, and quietly declined to comment.

More to come.

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