The Smoking Duck Student Survival Guide – FOOD

Welcome all new and returning UOW students!

Many students have come from the plush surrounds of baby boomer parents and enjoyed a luxurious buffet of food selection each time the pantry, or the fridge door was opened. Those Friday/Saturday night eat outs with the family, and the constant barrage of sweets from the extended family. You’ve probably enjoyed it so much that you subconsciously would open the fridge and just look at the food, either through boredom or admiration.

Well I’m sad to say, for you, that life is over.

You are about to hit the most real reality check of your life. The closest thing to prepared meals is the pre-made pizza base you can buy (we’ll get to that later), and the dead cockroaches in your house will seem appetising after some time (if you can afford to not live in your car). Fortunately, The Smoking Duck has an experienced staff when it comes to survival on a minimum budget, which is why we are making the ‘Student Survival Guide for Food’.

You will learn to scavenge, be frivolous with money, patient for the right sale, and appreciative that a carrot is a main meal.


  • Cheap eating
    • 2 minute noodles
      • TIP: Enough calories for cognitive function
    • Going to free events for free food (Eg. O-Week)
      • TIP: Ask many open-ended questions to ensure you are able to maintain chewing speed
    • Your roomies lunch and dinner
      • TIP: Take small bites throughout the day/night to avoid suspicion
    • Cheap fruit at Paninis
      • TIP: You only need to donate a small bit of change
  • Splash some cash
    • Buy protein filled pre-cooked canned salmon/tuna
      • TIP: Wait for the deals to come on and empty the shelves (big purchase = big long-term savings)
    • High energy chocolate bars
      • TIP: Watch for sales on Saturday afternoons
    • Pre-made pizza
      • TIP: Contains all the major food groups….kind of
  • Take my money!
    • Bought a schnitzel and chips at the pub
      • TIP: you’ll probably do this whether you are poor or rich, just make sure you lick the plate clean


I was once a small ugly duckling in a big pond. I grew up to be a bigger, uglier, duck in a big pond.